…in this dreadful world of social media, many people can be fooled into thinking that everyone is winning, It seems as though every time you look online, another one of your “friends (which is actually people that you honestly don’t even know) is posting another post receiving tons and tons of congratulations. Day by day, you see another “Just Engaged!”, or another “We Just SIGNED!” or a new small business posting a lucrative sales post. Day by day, you are just witnessing people in one of the happiest times of their lives. And trust me, trying to be happy for them, but sadly a part of you that is actually human can be exhausting when you are excitedly awaiting your big news. Anxiously awaiting when you will meet the person of your dreams, or the date where you can finally walk across the stage because all your friends have graduated, or even the breakthrough you awaiting because you have been working on your business idea for months now, and nothing is working. It can definitely be discouraging, to say the least, to stay positive and anxiously awaiting for the blessings and things that have your name on them, when you are constantly seeing people in their winning season. But what you fail to actually realize is that you are actually seeing the aftermath of their “We Regret To Inform You…” season.
You ever applied to a job that you know you were well qualified to get? You get a call for an interview. You KILL the interview, shoot you actually get a second interview. You are so confident about the new position, especially since you and the interviewer were conversing about how well you would fit in. You are already marking your calendar for your paycheck days, and then it happens. You receive the dreadful email that makes many of our stomach drops when it flashes across our screen. “We Regret to inform you…” And all you keep thinking is “How? I kilt it!” You see the “We Regret To Inform You” season is what many people go through before the Peak of their winning season. Those are the seasons (emails) that many don’t show, so it will appear as though they don’t have them. And it not that they hide them intentionally, but some of those seasons can be very painful, and truthfully hard to expose. The feelings and emotions that come alive of trying to manifest something that keeps not working in your favor, can be gut-wrenching. Just like the feeling of going for a great job, and not getting it. Remember? You see, it opens up a vulnerability that many people don’t like to display because it reveals a hardship that some are working diligently to overcome. It’s so important to remember that we have no idea what someone’s “We Regret to Inform You…” season looked like before the Congratulations! I think that one of our greatest blessings and triumphs come after we are able to celebrate others when they are experiencing their achievements. Are you observing others with an envy heart? Are you being a blessing or an attribute to others, even when they aren’t being one to you?
It’s important to understand that we have to be empathetic to realize that we don’t really know how many losses people may have taken, before the big win that we actually have the privilege to see. Everyone has “We Regret To Inform You…” seasons of transitions that will be filled with lost, trials, tribulations, and difficulties…however the beauty is that abundance, prosperity, and overflow will come soon after in the “We Are Excited To Have You!” season.
You remember as a kid hearing your parent yell the familiar chant “you want something done, you gotta’ do it yourself!” as you walk away utterly confused? You remember vividly that they didn’t even ask you to help them in the first place. You had no problem assisting them in their time of need, but you figured your assistance was not needed because it wasn’t asked for. Now you have an irate parent that is upset you aren’t helping when you weren’t asked to help… I think it’s because in the back of the parent’s mind the child, “really didn’t want to help,” but how would they know if THEY NEVER ASKED! That mindset some of us have grown up has carried well on into our adulthood. Needing help desperately, but not wanting to ask and then getting upset when no one helps you. But why are we so afraid to ask for a lending ear when we need to vent, or a shoulder to cry on when life is tough, or just plain ol’ HELP. Why are we so afraid to acknowledge that we don’t have it all together, and sometimes a second-hand is needed?
It is important to understand that we have to be willing to admit that we indeed need help. Seeking to identify our vulnerabilities is a beginning step to actively and correctly care for ourselves. We as women carry the weight of the WORLD it seems every single day, and there is nothing more depressing than feeling alone while doing it. We lock ourselves up in our minds and create the delusion that no one understands our struggles, and we don’t have anyone to talk too. That is no one, but the enemy that wants to keep you in isolation to make you believe that lie. DONT DO IT. I have found myself harboring emotions, and feelings to myself because I didn’t want to burden to anyone venting about my issues. Because after all, they are my issues. I found myself in the midst of a mental breakdown because I created this image that nobody wanted to hear about my damaging issues that were silently affecting me. It wasn’t until I did tell a close friend of mine, and the outpouring of support and love was overwhelming. I WAS INDEED NEVER ALONE. She had no clue the pain I was in because I never said anything. Not one single word. You see so many women who are experiencing the same struggles as I was needed to hear my troubles. But what I was finding out is that my isolated thoughts were causing me so much chaos and pain in my life, because my mind was being disturbed. I was desperately needing help but was so ashamed to ask for advice. Understand that “help” doesn’t have to be a thing…”Help” is an ear to listen, a shoulder for a hug, a talk for confirmation, a journal for healing, or even a cry for release. However, no one can give you those things if you never ask for them…
Pastor John Gray said “It is important that people genuinely ask you “How are you doing”, but it is even MORE important, to tell the truth at that moment.” Too many times we are punishing people in our lives for “not being there”, or not understanding us, but the truth is simply, some people don’t know that they are actually needed in your life…(did you catch that?) Until we fully understand that it is okay to not be okay all the time, so many of us will continue to live a life in isolation fighting battles that you don’t have to fight alone…
In a world where confidence and self-worth are embedded in our skulls from birth it, it seems the importance of self-care has been forgotten about. We as children grow up and watch our moms over exhaust herself providing for the family, always being there every beck and call, cooking, cleaning, etc.- yet no understand that even she gets tired and her cup that she is always pouring from is actually empty. That is because we live in a society that displays a generational and cultural message that a good woman is a self-sacrificing woman. Bullsh*t!
Somewhere along the lines of women becoming more in tune with who they were, and what they stood for, and simply taking care of themselves has been deemed selfish. There’s a sense of scarcity; of having to choose between caring for yourself or others and we aren’t allowed to do both. It’s a double head sword which we lose if we care for ourselves because we end up feeling guilty, and we lose if we neglect self-care because we end up feeling resentful. When in the end, we actually hurt ourselves more, because we spent so much of our time caring for others when in reality we have to put ourselves FIRST. Think of it this way…How do you identify yourself first… a woman right? So we have to remember that even though other titles come (mother, wife, sister, daughter) you are a woman first and she needs to be taken care of!
Loving and taking care of ourselves is important and essential to how we develop our greatest potential. A woman who cares for herself is NOT selfish…She is powerful, and harder to control and manipulate. Don’t let society “norms” trick you in a world wind that will have you living a life of regret, resentment, and sorrow while the people who you have taken great care of our living a fulfilled life taking care of themselves.