Before yall even start trying to treat my life, let me explain first deg,
First, I hadn’t even noticed that I hadn’t wrote in all this
time, until I received an email from one of my mentees, and the 4 words she
spoke sent chills through my body… “I miss your blogs”
Wait, did she just say what I had secretly been feeling like
for quite some time? Its true. I truly missed writing, but I felt like I wasn’t
at my best to write, so I didn’t. You see, I was birthing something, and I didn’t
understand quite what it was. I speak about being transparent, and authentic 98%
of the time, so trying to create what wasn’t there is something that I couldn’t
do. I need to sit in what was happening around me. My life was transitioning,
and I didn’t even realize it. I relocated back home for another job, ended a
relationship that I though there was no end, launched another business, all while
still trying to figure myself out. Life happens and what we do in that time
will determine how we handle what comes after.
I don’t think we
understand just how hard it really is to get your focus back after its been
lost for so long. We tend to be super critical of ourselves when we feel like
we aren’t producing, when really isn’t it quality over quantity. But more
importantly, we need to be oaky, with us nothing being okay 100% of the time. Trying
to pour from a cup that doesn’t have anything in it, will only leave you dry
and looking for ways to quench your thirst of what isn’t there. This time away gave
me the reminders to be more kind, patient and less critical of myself. We must
give ourselves the grace to sit back and wait for new things to be birthed… New
visions, new ideas, new possibilities. So here I am 9 months later…
Ima talk to yall later though 😊
It was leaking. I was leaking. I was trying to figure out why my cup couldn’t stay full, and why couldn’t I feel the way that I so used to make other feels. Had my gift not worked on myself? You see people were pouring into me, they were. Giving me droplets of what they had left, but for some reason what was being poured into could never make its way to the top for me to drink from it. I kept wondering why my spirit and my heart kept longing for a thirst that I thought I was quenching, but you see my cup had a hole in it. I was so busy pouring into others in overdrive, that I had actually become blind to the people that were standing around my cup. No one informed me that the same cup that I use to pour into others, should not be the cup that people were pouring into me. So on those days where I was pouring and pouring, and pouring, those desperately seeking to get what I was dispensing, I hadn’t even realized that they were doing anything necessary so they could to get what was in the cup. Pulling, Dropping, Tearing away at something so valuable that I was already trying to give them. I hadn’t even realized that I was encountering people who were slowly destroying the very gift that was already there.
But you see people, sometimes only want the prize inside the cracker jack box, not the popcorn itself. Leaving me with the scraps of the very cup that was supposed to have been mine in the first place. So when it came time for me to pour into myself with the cup that I thought others were pouring into me, I was still empty. You see because my cup had a hole in it.
…in this dreadful world of social media, many people can be fooled into thinking that everyone is winning, It seems as though every time you look online, another one of your “friends (which is actually people that you honestly don’t even know) is posting another post receiving tons and tons of congratulations. Day by day, you see another “Just Engaged!”, or another “We Just SIGNED!” or a new small business posting a lucrative sales post. Day by day, you are just witnessing people in one of the happiest times of their lives. And trust me, trying to be happy for them, but sadly a part of you that is actually human can be exhausting when you are excitedly awaiting your big news. Anxiously awaiting when you will meet the person of your dreams, or the date where you can finally walk across the stage because all your friends have graduated, or even the breakthrough you awaiting because you have been working on your business idea for months now, and nothing is working. It can definitely be discouraging, to say the least, to stay positive and anxiously awaiting for the blessings and things that have your name on them, when you are constantly seeing people in their winning season. But what you fail to actually realize is that you are actually seeing the aftermath of their “We Regret To Inform You…” season.
You ever applied to a job that you know you were well qualified to get? You get a call for an interview. You KILL the interview, shoot you actually get a second interview. You are so confident about the new position, especially since you and the interviewer were conversing about how well you would fit in. You are already marking your calendar for your paycheck days, and then it happens. You receive the dreadful email that makes many of our stomach drops when it flashes across our screen. “We Regret to inform you…” And all you keep thinking is “How? I kilt it!” You see the “We Regret To Inform You” season is what many people go through before the Peak of their winning season. Those are the seasons (emails) that many don’t show, so it will appear as though they don’t have them. And it not that they hide them intentionally, but some of those seasons can be very painful, and truthfully hard to expose. The feelings and emotions that come alive of trying to manifest something that keeps not working in your favor, can be gut-wrenching. Just like the feeling of going for a great job, and not getting it. Remember? You see, it opens up a vulnerability that many people don’t like to display because it reveals a hardship that some are working diligently to overcome. It’s so important to remember that we have no idea what someone’s “We Regret to Inform You…” season looked like before the Congratulations! I think that one of our greatest blessings and triumphs come after we are able to celebrate others when they are experiencing their achievements. Are you observing others with an envy heart? Are you being a blessing or an attribute to others, even when they aren’t being one to you?
It’s important to understand that we have to be empathetic to realize that we don’t really know how many losses people may have taken, before the big win that we actually have the privilege to see. Everyone has “We Regret To Inform You…” seasons of transitions that will be filled with lost, trials, tribulations, and difficulties…however the beauty is that abundance, prosperity, and overflow will come soon after in the “We Are Excited To Have You!” season.
Sometimes today can be a day for the books for some of us. You remember that huge book filled with your least favorite subject. The book that required you to actually critically think to solve problems. That book in school that you rarely opened because it was filled with issues and topics that didn’t catch your interest. Continuously trying our best to avoid something that we will have to evidently face. But just like that book that we all hated in school, we still had to actually open it up, and learn the material because we needed to pass the class. That is exactly what some of our days actually feel like. Regardless of how bad and frustrating and complicated, it is, we still have a due diligence to surpass today because it was a lesson that needed to be learned…with or without our participation.
Life is funny, but not always in a laughing way. Too many of us are hit with situations and problems, that we just want to run from. And even though, some of those problems, we are able to run from- what happens when they keep coming back. Until you face a frustrating problem, in a logical sense, it will keep repeating itself until a solution is met. So, what happens when you can run anymore? When you have to stand up tall, and do the uncomfortable? That is what Today is for a lot of us. A challenging and difficult taste of medicine that we refused to swallow, not knowing that the taste lingering in my mouth was more agonizing. See we spend so much time avoiding and running from the frustration of the trouble that is there, that we miss the opportunity to see the lesson in the difficult. Maybe because sometimes the thought of tomorrow, brings more ease than the completion of today…
when he thinks she isn’t there
That voice you hear way back in the crowd
Way beyond the doubt, and confusion
Plays a sound of unfamiliarity
Her voice is a pure, sweet, and safe sound
He is anxiously awaiting for her to show up
Because clarity is what she brings
The doors are finally open, but the crowd rushes right past her
In front are obstacles that he can’t see she is facing
She’s trying to fight the crowd to get to the front
just for you
To display a picture that he couldn’t have drawn himself
Because it she was the missing piece to the canvas
She’s trying to get to the front
Just for you
Yelling, pleading, shamelessly feeling defeated
But because she displayed an art you hadn’t seen before
You couldn’t see her
And she was standing right behind you
You were only taught to hear the loudest voice
And not the softest
So, her voice got casted out
By the past familiarity of him hearing what was always wrong
He couldn’t hear
That pure, sweet, but safe sound of calmness she brought
Diligently through all complications and roadblocks, she manages to push through
So ecstatic that she made it
Front and center
Just to see you
Support you in ways you have never known
Because nobody ever showed up
Just for you
But you see
she did show up
front and center
just for you
but its hard to spot out what you’ve never seen before
But now he is gone
He was saddened by the thought that no one showed up
But he failed to see that she was right there
front and center
just for you
fighting trying to get to the front
while the whole crowd keeps pushing her to the back
…You were just a kid. You were not prepared to live a life that you had no prior experience. I would hope you have really understood that you were not to blame. Dysfunction was normal, so when peace came, you ran away. But you ran in the wrong direction, into the wrong hands. Not understanding that people knew your weakness. But see, you were just a kid. I really want you to understand that you were a kid. Innocence was stolen but never returned. I just really wished you didn’t slowly fade away. You lost yourself. You drifted away from where no one could find you. I wanted you to realize that you could not mask the pain of emptiness. It was there, right in front of you, and you failed to realize it. But you see that’s what happens when you lack guidance that you are supposed to get from adults. I wish you would have understood that you could not change your surroundings. You had no control over what was going around you because you were a kid Shaurice. A Child, who was incapable of taking care of herself…and you were not supposed to be equipped to know how.
You were smart Shaurice, practically brilliant! You were beautiful, full of gifts and charisma gave to you from the Most Highest. You didn’t need him to tell you that. He knew you desired love, so he used it against you. But you see, you can’t express an emotion that wasn’t there. Don’t blame yourself for having to grow up so fast. You were just being prepared for a race, that unfortunately you still didn’t win…damn. I just wanted you to see the testimony in the trauma. But its kind of hard to see the sunshine while the clouds are following you. Stop apologizing for the immature mistakes that you weren’t taught were actual mistakes. Consider those test runs. Allow your mind to understand that you didn’t miss out on a childhood, but you instead were on a journey that prepared you for an amazing adulthood. Release those hurts and pain because they will truly paralyze you when you get older. You used the only tool that molded you into the delicate queen you are now – even though that tool was Pain.
We seem to be living in a world where childhood traumas, unfortunate circumstances, poverty, etc. are taking its tolls on so many of us and are affecting how we eventually grow up into adulthood. Many would think that people will use those challenges to make the best out of life and become a version of themselves that others will not recognize. They will use those disadvantages that they faced in their childhood as motivation to excel because they want to see what can happen when you do not let obstacles from traumas hold you back from exceeding your purpose. The On the downside of that, you have those other people. The “Woe is me, woe is me” individuals. The people who will literally use those same stones that were stoned as a clutch for every single part of their life. Constantly blaming misfortunes due to past hurt and becoming offended when others around them won’t be in agreeance with them. You see, you control how you choose to heal every aspect including how long it takes you, and exactly the way in which you choose to heal.
…because I was that person continuously blaming all my failures and misfortunes in my traumatic childhood, and was doomed into believing that those years of suffering was the reason behind my future. I would then become so easily offended at individuals who didn’t come to my pity party because they didn’t “understand me” .I was believing the enemy lie that things are not manifesting in their life because of the circumstances and cards they were depth growing up. But an unpopular opinion is that, at some point in our lives, the pity party we throw ourselves must stop. You see, we do not have control over what happens to us; we cannot control the inevitable and hurtful situations that are ordained in our lives, some things are just going to happen. BUT, it is our, (yes re-read that) OUR responsibility to heal ourselves and separate from the agony of the pain inflicted on us. It is important to understand that no one will care about your healing but you, and it is your obligation to give yourself the peace that your spirit has spent years lacking.
What we must learn to accept is that we will eventually have stop blaming our parents who were not there, the relationship that didn’t end well, the betrayal from a best friend, etc. etc., and learn to look at the lessons while being on that journey that those traumatic situations have taught us. We all have choices, and you can either choose to sit in the agony of what you can not change or enjoy the journey of healing yourself to become a better version of yourself that you have never seen before….
One of the most popular quotes that we tend to give when we don’t want to explain ourselves about a situation that obviously needs explaining is “what’s understood, doesn’t have to be explained.” Society has created the need to make you feel as though you must explain your decisions and choices that you make in life IF they tend to differ from the norm. Innocently, we often find ourselves explaining the very choices we made so that people can see “how it makes sense” but you see, who really CARES if it does not, especially if the choices you made does not affect anyone but YOU.
In an “unapologetic world,” we often find ourselves apologizing for having boundaries and or making choices that are not always popular. This may be because there is a desire deep down to appease individuals who believe that our own boundaries and life choices are wrong. But what are you explaining in the first place? Are you trying to explain why you think anyway?!- or are you trying to explain why others should do it another way? — (did you catch that?) It is important to understand that the best decision made is the decisions you made confidently having a made-up mind about it. Too many times we often shift or change our decisions because we have received poor and strong opinions from people who are closest to us. Now I am not saying that we should not care or consider what others who love us think however I AM SAYING just that. You see, we are the only ones responsible for our own life decisions and choices, not our parents, nor our children. The cards we may be dealt in an unjust life has nothing to do about making better decisions for our lives currently. So, when something is done against the grain, STOP EXPLAINING. period. There is no other way or form to speak it. We must learn and understand that when you are running your own race, the opinions of others do not matter. It is funny, because those same people you spend so much time trying to convince and get them to understand your boundaries, those exact people aren’t explaining their limitations or themselves to anyone…
It is important to understand that we must have confidence in our convictions in all that we do, and not apologize for our decisions. Apologizing for your own desires and the fulfillment that it brings is a disservice to SELF. It is important to understand that we are the ones who have to settle with our decisions in our life, so why do we consider so many other people’s opinions when it doesn’t affect them at all? It underlies a great feeling of acceptance, appreciation, and validation we crave from others that we think we need so bad…BUT WE DON’T!
We live in a society where social media has a platform that many people are so desperately trying to stand on. Everywhere we turn there are women who glamorize for showing nothing but a piece of dental floss as a swimsuit, or those couples who so affectionately showcase their love “too much” to your liking because You are actually bitter and single, or even sometimes that Facebook friend that continuously broadcast their new home, new car, and or new job and it looks as though life is going great for her. BUT what you DONT see on that invisible platform we glamorize all too much is that woman is secretly crying out for help due to deep insecurities and lack of self-care, or that couple you envy is actually in a very unhealthy and toxic relationship which should have ended years ago, or that woman is always showcasing her “accomplishments” because she is deeply needing validation from people because she didn’t receive the proper care of cheering from her childhood. Too many times we are comparing our lives to others, who would switch with us in heartbeat! Too many people are creating an image that glamorizes the pleasures of our lives, but secretly hide and are ashamed of the pain that life has brought us also – which can give a false feeling that struggle does not exist.
Too many people are looking at other people lifestyle, and constantly comparing it to their own – which can sometimes a deep level of not being satisfied with their own life; especially if the other party life is perceived better. But did you see the word perceived? Perception can be deceptive if you’re not careful in your “observation. You are comparing your life to others who in all honesty do not have that much more than you! We are so hard on ourselves and we fall victim to taking criticism from people around us who do not even have any reliable credits!
We must be more invested in running our own race because it is OURS. No one else. Understanding that you should not be in competition with anyone; even if people are secretly competing with you… (Did you catch that?) It is important to understand that there are no timelines or no specific stop on our journey where pain or trials and tribulations will stop. If we took the time to ENJOY OUR OWN LIFE genuinely, intensely, and unapologetically, and all that it throws us we would not have the time, energy, or concern to focus or compare our lives to others. So instead of trying to figure out what size gym shoe, someone else wears go to the store and get YOU a new pair to wear for your own race.
You remember as a kid hearing your parent yell the familiar chant “you want something done, you gotta’ do it yourself!” as you walk away utterly confused? You remember vividly that they didn’t even ask you to help them in the first place. You had no problem assisting them in their time of need, but you figured your assistance was not needed because it wasn’t asked for. Now you have an irate parent that is upset you aren’t helping when you weren’t asked to help… I think it’s because in the back of the parent’s mind the child, “really didn’t want to help,” but how would they know if THEY NEVER ASKED! That mindset some of us have grown up has carried well on into our adulthood. Needing help desperately, but not wanting to ask and then getting upset when no one helps you. But why are we so afraid to ask for a lending ear when we need to vent, or a shoulder to cry on when life is tough, or just plain ol’ HELP. Why are we so afraid to acknowledge that we don’t have it all together, and sometimes a second-hand is needed?
It is important to understand that we have to be willing to admit that we indeed need help. Seeking to identify our vulnerabilities is a beginning step to actively and correctly care for ourselves. We as women carry the weight of the WORLD it seems every single day, and there is nothing more depressing than feeling alone while doing it. We lock ourselves up in our minds and create the delusion that no one understands our struggles, and we don’t have anyone to talk too. That is no one, but the enemy that wants to keep you in isolation to make you believe that lie. DONT DO IT. I have found myself harboring emotions, and feelings to myself because I didn’t want to burden to anyone venting about my issues. Because after all, they are my issues. I found myself in the midst of a mental breakdown because I created this image that nobody wanted to hear about my damaging issues that were silently affecting me. It wasn’t until I did tell a close friend of mine, and the outpouring of support and love was overwhelming. I WAS INDEED NEVER ALONE. She had no clue the pain I was in because I never said anything. Not one single word. You see so many women who are experiencing the same struggles as I was needed to hear my troubles. But what I was finding out is that my isolated thoughts were causing me so much chaos and pain in my life, because my mind was being disturbed. I was desperately needing help but was so ashamed to ask for advice. Understand that “help” doesn’t have to be a thing…”Help” is an ear to listen, a shoulder for a hug, a talk for confirmation, a journal for healing, or even a cry for release. However, no one can give you those things if you never ask for them…
Pastor John Gray said “It is important that people genuinely ask you “How are you doing”, but it is even MORE important, to tell the truth at that moment.” Too many times we are punishing people in our lives for “not being there”, or not understanding us, but the truth is simply, some people don’t know that they are actually needed in your life…(did you catch that?) Until we fully understand that it is okay to not be okay all the time, so many of us will continue to live a life in isolation fighting battles that you don’t have to fight alone…