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June 2018

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Stop Explaining Your Decisions

One of the most popular quotes that we tend to give when we don’t want to explain ourselves about a situation that obviously needs explaining is “what’s understood, doesn’t have to be explained.” Society has created the need to make you feel as though you must explain your decisions and choices that you make in life IF they tend to differ from the norm. Innocently, we often find ourselves explaining the very choices we made so that people can see “how it makes sense” but you see, who really CARES if it does not, especially if the choices you made does not affect anyone but YOU.

In an “unapologetic world,” we often find ourselves apologizing for having boundaries and or making choices that are not always popular. This may be because there is a desire deep down to appease individuals who believe that our own boundaries and life choices are wrong. But what are you explaining in the first place? Are you trying to explain why you think anyway?!- or are you trying to explain why others should do it another way? — (did you catch that?) It is important to understand that the best decision made is the decisions you made confidently having a made-up mind about it. Too many times we often shift or change our decisions because we have received poor and strong opinions from people who are closest to us. Now I am not saying that we should not care or consider what others who love us think however I AM SAYING just that. You see, we are the only ones responsible for our own life decisions and choices, not our parents, nor our children. The cards we may be dealt in an unjust life has nothing to do about making better decisions for our lives currently. So, when something is done against the grain, STOP EXPLAINING. period. There is no other way or form to speak it. We must learn and understand that when you are running your own race, the opinions of others do not matter. It is funny, because those same people you spend so much time trying to convince and get them to understand your boundaries, those exact people aren’t explaining their limitations or themselves to anyone…

It is important to understand that we must have confidence in our convictions in all that we do, and not apologize for our decisions. Apologizing for your own desires and the fulfillment that it brings is a disservice to SELF. It is important to understand that we are the ones who have to settle with our decisions in our life, so why do we consider so many other people’s opinions when it doesn’t affect them at all? It underlies a great feeling of acceptance, appreciation, and validation we crave from others that we think we need so bad…BUT WE DON’T!

-Sho

Run Your Own Race

We live in a society where social media has a platform that many people are so desperately trying to stand on. Everywhere we turn there are women who glamorize for showing nothing but a piece of dental floss as a swimsuit, or those couples who so affectionately showcase their love “too much” to your liking because You are actually bitter and single, or even sometimes that Facebook friend that continuously broadcast their new home, new car, and or new job and it looks as though life is going great for her. BUT what you DONT see on that invisible platform we glamorize all too much  is that woman is secretly crying out for help due to deep insecurities and lack of self-care, or that couple you envy is actually in a very unhealthy and toxic relationship which should have ended years ago, or that woman is always showcasing her “accomplishments” because she is deeply needing validation from people because she didn’t receive the proper care of cheering from her childhood. Too many times we are comparing our lives to others, who would switch with us in heartbeat!  Too many people are creating an image that glamorizes the pleasures of our lives, but secretly hide and are ashamed of the pain that life has brought us also – which can give a false feeling that struggle does not exist.

Too many people are looking at other people lifestyle, and constantly comparing it to their own – which can sometimes a deep level of not being satisfied with their own life; especially if the other party life is perceived better. But did you see the word perceived? Perception can be deceptive if you’re not careful in your “observation. You are comparing your life to others who in all honesty do not have that much more than you! We are so hard on ourselves and we fall victim to taking criticism from people around us who do not even have any reliable credits!

We must be more invested in running our own race because it is OURS. No one else. Understanding that you should not be in competition with anyone; even if people are secretly competing with you… (Did you catch that?) It is important to understand that there are no timelines or no specific stop on our journey where pain or trials and tribulations will stop. If we took the time to ENJOY OUR OWN LIFE genuinely, intensely, and unapologetically, and all that it throws us we would not have the time, energy, or concern to focus or compare our lives to others. So instead of trying to figure out what size gym shoe, someone else wears go to the store and get YOU a new pair to wear for your own race.

-Sho

…No, I’m Not Okay

You remember as a kid hearing your parent yell the familiar chant “you want something done, you gotta’ do it yourself!” as you walk away utterly confused? You remember vividly that they didn’t even ask you to help them in the first place. You had no problem assisting them in their time of need, but you figured your assistance was not needed because it wasn’t asked for. Now you have an irate parent that is upset you aren’t helping when you weren’t asked to help… I think it’s because in the back of the parent’s mind the child, “really didn’t want to help,” but how would they know if THEY NEVER ASKED! That mindset some of us have grown up has carried well on into our adulthood. Needing help desperately, but not wanting to ask and then getting upset when no one helps you. But why are we so afraid to ask for a lending ear when we need to vent, or a shoulder to cry on when life is tough, or just plain ol’ HELP. Why are we so afraid to acknowledge that we don’t have it all together, and sometimes a second-hand is needed?

It is important to understand that we have to be willing to admit that we indeed need help. Seeking to identify our vulnerabilities is a beginning step to actively and correctly care for ourselves. We as women carry the weight of the WORLD it seems every single day, and there is nothing more depressing than feeling alone while doing it. We lock ourselves up in our minds and create the delusion that no one understands our struggles, and we don’t have anyone to talk too. That is no one, but the enemy that wants to keep you in isolation to make you believe that lie. DONT DO IT. I have found myself harboring emotions, and feelings to myself because I didn’t want to burden to anyone venting about my issues. Because after all, they are my issues. I found myself in the midst of a mental breakdown because I created this image that nobody wanted to hear about my damaging issues that were silently affecting me. It wasn’t until I did tell a close friend of mine, and the outpouring of support and love was overwhelming. I WAS INDEED NEVER ALONE. She had no clue the pain I was in because I never said anything. Not one single word. You see so many women who are experiencing the same struggles as I was needed to hear my troubles. But what I was finding out is that my isolated thoughts were causing me so much chaos and pain in my life, because my mind was being disturbed. I was desperately needing help but was so ashamed to ask for advice. Understand that “help” doesn’t have to be a thing…”Help” is an ear to listen, a shoulder for a hug, a talk for confirmation, a journal for healing, or even a cry for release. However, no one can give you those things if you never ask for them…

Pastor John Gray said “It is important that people genuinely ask you “How are you doing”, but it is even MORE important, to tell the truth at that moment.” Too many times we are punishing people in our lives for “not being there”, or not understanding us, but the truth is simply, some people don’t know that they are actually needed in your life…(did you catch that?) Until we fully understand that it is okay to not be okay all the time, so many of us will continue to live a life in isolation fighting battles that you don’t have to fight alone…

-Sho

 

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