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October 2017

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The Importance Of You

In a world where confidence and self-worth are embedded in our skulls from birth it, it seems the importance of self-care has been forgotten about. We as children grow up and watch our moms over exhaust herself providing for the family, always being there every beck and call, cooking, cleaning, etc.-  yet no understand that even she gets tired and her cup that she is always pouring from is actually empty. That is because we live in a society that displays a generational and cultural message that a good woman is a self-sacrificing woman.  Bullsh*t!

Somewhere along the lines of women becoming more in tune with who they were, and what they stood for, and simply taking care of themselves has been deemed selfish.  There’s a sense of scarcity; of having to choose between caring for yourself or others and we aren’t allowed to do both. It’s a double head sword which we lose if we care for ourselves because we end up feeling guilty, and we lose if we neglect self-care because we end up feeling resentful. When in the end, we actually hurt ourselves more, because we spent so much of our time caring for others when in reality we have to put ourselves FIRST. Think of it this way…How do you identify yourself first… a woman right? So we have to remember that even though other titles come (mother, wife, sister, daughter) you are a woman first and she needs to be taken care of!

Loving and taking care of ourselves is important and essential to how we develop our greatest potential. A woman who cares for herself is NOT selfish…She is powerful, and harder to control and manipulate. Don’t let society “norms” trick you in a world wind that will have you living a life of regret, resentment, and sorrow while the people who you have taken great care of our living a fulfilled life taking care of themselves.

-Sho

Is It A Healthy Or Harmful Friendship?

In a society of “No New Friends” makes me question everything I know about the importance of healthy relationships – how are we suppose to grow and connect with people of different diverse backgrounds, and cultures if we only maintain the friendships we’ve known since we were in middle school? What happens if that 10+ year friendship that has been filled with chaos, jealousy, and undeniable envy is still lingering on? Or what happens when as you continue to grow and elevate yourself for wanting things differently out of life, and those old friends don’t? Why are we so afraid to cutoff thee unhealthy friendships that we are fully aware of how toxic they’ve become? Friendships are so very important and essential and they have an everlasting effect on our lives in more ways than we realize.

I believe we have abused the word “Time” when we describe why we are still holding on to toxic friendships. I think we believe that longevity automatically means progression and it doesn’t.  You can meet someone last month and can feel like they a more genuine, trustworthy, and dependable friend then someone you’ve known for years. Now don’t get me wrong, healthy friendships are important because they give us vital life skills,  some friendships help you define your priorities, and grow as a person, be that shoulder to cry on during hard tough times, etc. etc.  BUT what happens when some friendships are consistent arguments that leave you all not talking for months, or blast each other secrets on social media, or even sometimes becoming physical with each other? Why do we hold on to those tumultuous draining friendships- but will turn our nose up and snicker at the new girl at work?

As we get older, and continue to prosper into our potential, it is important to understand the value in creating and maintaining healthy friendships. We have to be able to identify first what is a unhealthy friendship, or even sometimes who is actually making it unhealthy. We have to band together with friends who will push us to your potential, give us reality checks, and also be our voice of reasoning when the whole world is telling us to do otherwise.

-Sho

Who Made Up These Rules?

“Physics, this shit ain’t!”…one of my favorite lines from my all time favorite movie -Love Jones. I find myself reciting that one line over and over again when I look at things we are calling love nowadays…BUT it seems as though before we can even get to the blissfully love-filled relationships our heart desire; we have to pass this awkward phase of “talking” which can lead to untimely situationships we sometimes can’t get ourselves out of. Why is dating so complicated, especially in 2017? Maybe its because society tells us “don’t you dare call first”, or “don’t you text again because you texted last”, or “continuously checking their social media account.” These invisible rules that we follow are slowly becoming our demise to eventually ending up alone.

It is important to understand that we must all give and take in some aspects of our life, but it seems as though our generation’s hardest task is compromising. It seems as though open communication is a thing of the past, and keeping a mystery locket of emotion inside is normal. We make interactions with other individuals so difficult and I don’t know why. We allow our insecurities to get the best of us and will cover it with pride because appearing vulnerable is a sign of weakness. Everyone wants the beautiful house with the white picket fence, but don’t want to lay the first brick down for the foundation.  Society has made it the norm that showing genuine interest is thirst, and playing hard to get is the way to be. This new age of texting has taking over genuine intellectual conversations that are needed for healthy communication. Everybody don’t want a “Wyd” text!

If we learn to live by our own rules and date the way WE want too, healthy relationships and happiness will prosper without those “invisible rules” and won’t be so difficult. However, it is also important to understand that you cant change, anyone, …simple! BUT you can be considerate and patient while they are learning to give you what you are asking for…

-Sho

 

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