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August 2017

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Stop Apologizing For Who You Are!

I think we got used to how good it sounded as it rolled off our tongue each and every time…”I’m sorry.” Think about it, every time you got an incline in “your mind” that you were reacting wrongly, it flowed out so effortlessly – “I’m sorry.” Accepting ownership that wasn’t ours to take over in the first place, but it’s what we do best. I think as women we are taught to be apologetic at all times, even when our own integrity or moralities could be compromised; and that is where the urgency to rectify what’s not wrong with you needs to STOP! It is absolutely foolish to apologize for behaviors that were inflicted by someone else which inevitably made you who you are at this very moment. It is because of our struggles and our breakthroughs that make us who we are…so why do we apologize for it? We as women have become so conditioned to follow-up every flaw, mistake or embellishment of pain perceived by others with “I’m sorry”,  because the remembrance of our imperfections, sometimes we simply cannot bare.

It is important for us to stop apologizing for our actions and especially our emotions that were caused by someone else who never uttered the words “I’m sorry.” Thinking back on previous conversations I have had people I’ve dated, I always found myself apologizing for my high sensitivity. I felt as though me apologizing would soften their perception of me so they wouldn’t think I was overly emotional. But you see, I AM! I had to get to a place of not wanting to accept that part of my mental makeup because that is ultimately who I was as a person. It goes back to not wanting to accept flaws of you that are actually NOT flaws. We as women overly apologize to avoid the criticism and disapproval from others before it even occurs; in a conscious wish to placate and please them at the same time. In one sense rejecting the “rejection” before it even occurs (if there is even one!)  It is a defense mechanism that puts an emphasis on us being flawed, but also forgetting we are human.

Now, I’m not saying in no way apologies are not needed, because right is right and wrong is wrong; that’s a given. However, continuously apologizing for our individuality and creative sense of warmth, passion, sensitivity, or even emotional qualities are traits that we can no longer be sorry for.

 -Sho

 

How’s Being Ms. Independent Working Out For You?

You have an amazing and thriving career, you have a luxury car that many can only dream of, you are educated way beyond your years, your credit score is outstanding, and not to mention your fabulous house that you go home too;  but you go home…alone. Centered in the middle of those four walls, sit you and your delusional thoughts that this is happiness. Has it ever crossed your mind that you are actually lonely? Physically having everything, but secretly knowing that you do not have anything;  because you have had this perception that you did not need anybody; especially a man. Remembering those late nights talks that you snuck into the kitchen to hear when your mom and aunts would shout to the ceiling declaring “they did not need a man!” Being invited to innocent girls night out, which always led to your girlfriends-wet eyes while reminiscing on their multiple heartaches, and everyone leaving  “agreeing” with the false perception that “men aint shxt,” and the unforgettable “I can do bad all by myself!”

I get it…”We all know we can,” but who deep down in the depths of their hearts where the love gets deeper and fonder “really want to” with no complaints? I know I surely do not. I know from my own personal experiences of being a self-sufficient and accomplished woman, I’d always figured “what did I need a man for when I can do it all by myself anyway?” But you see with that trivial thinking, it made me realize and come to terms that I secretly did want everything from a companion; all the while shouting the complete opposite. The world we live in today GLORIFIES “independence” like a badge of honor, and in one sense, it completely is! Self-accomplishment and self-love is important and essential and needed for the fulfillment of oneself. However, somewhere between the generational gaps of “millennials and baby boomers,” the importance of companionship has dwindled down and in one sense-many women have developed a destructive mindset that “we do not need nobody!”  “YES WE DO!” We were all created to share a special and indescribable connection with someone, however somewhere in between society telling us we didn’t or even witnessing the generational repetition of “overly independent women” we fell trap and eventually started to believe it.

 It is extremely important for us as women to understand that we can still maintain our independence while also being captivated by a love received from someone other than our own…

-Sho

Girl You Ain’t Crazy, You’re Just Depressed!

Bad days, we all have them, but what happens when you start to have too many? Recognizing that you know who you are better than anyone else, so you would know if something is bothering you, right? You cannot put your finger on it, but you know something is off, mentally especially. You begin to feel different, you begin to notice that you continuously have a great deal of sadness, and you are not even sure why; but as each day passes, you put those intense sad emotions on the back burner, because you were taught “everything will be okay,” “women are suppose to be strong” or the infamous “you got this!” But you see, sometimes WE DON’T HAVE IT! However, each, and every day, you put a smile on that beautiful face because how can you even explain to anyone whats bothering you, when you don’t even know yourself.  But you see, you do know whats wrong….

…You are depressed! I know, I know, I know…you never would have imagined YOU out of all people would be depressed, because of course you would know if you are depressed right? WRONG! We miss so many vital signs of the beginning stages of depressions, which is why we as women have a hard time accepting its truth. Maybe it began from that break-up you never got over, or maybe it was that friendship that you thought would never end, or even that sexy dress you wanted to fit into, but few pounds over the years didn’t let you.  More often than some, we often sink into depression more because we as women don’t ever want to be presumed as “not having it together.” I can speak from my own personal experiences that I wasn’t always the one that would say when something in my life was not going okay. I would pretend and walk around as though everything was together, but literally inside I was falling apart, crumbling. Sinking into a dark place that I had never visited forced me to talk to someone who then gave me permission to allow myself that it is absolutely “okay to be not okay all the time.” 

we as women, it is in our DNA to take on so many tasks daily that test our strengths. We tend to believe that we have to be strong 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and; that is, FALSE. Allow yourself that time to recognize fully that even the strongest breaks down, but its what we do with the pieces to rebuild is what matters. 

-Sho

 

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